Final Entry Reflection Paper
Final Reflections on Myself, My Portfolio, and the Buena Vista University School Counseling Program
It took several attempts to even begin writing this final reflection. How do I wrap up something that is only just beginning? It is extremely difficult to articulate the journey I’ve taken in the last three years and impossible for me to imagine what my future holds. It’s hard to pinpoint which classes or experiences in the Buena Vista University Professional School Counseling program had the biggest impact on me as a school counselor. The program as a whole—my professors, my cohort, my classes, my projects and papers, my practicum experience—have all had a profound impact on both me as a school counselor and me as a human being.
When I first began this program I didn’t have a clear picture of what I wanted to do with my life; I just knew that I wanted to do more—help people, make some sort of difference. I was timid and unsure of myself; I quietly doubted my ability and potential. I read the assigned textbooks and articles, I did the required projects and interviews, I thought of what it might be like to be a school counselor, but I didn’t quite believe that I would actually be successful in this career. I was surprised when I was offered the job as K-12 school counselor at Colo-NESCO CSD. I knew I had done the work to be prepared for this job but I wasn’t sure if I could really succeed.
In retrospect, maybe going into a double practicum experience alone with no real experience in a public school setting (besides my limited experience as a para professional) wasn’t the best idea. I remember my first day at Colo-NESCO, sitting in my new desk in my new office thinking to myself, “I have no idea where to even start. What did I get myself into?” I had virtually no one at my immediate disposal that understood school counseling or, more specifically, what I was supposed to be doing as K-12 school counselor at Colo-NESCO. The administrators I worked with didn’t have a completely accurate view of what a school counselor should be doing and offered me little to no direction as how to go about doing my job. I found myself spending a lot of time going through the files of the previous counselor figuring out just what exactly I was supposed to be doing. I called my professors at BV, I chatted with my cohort on Facebook, and I joined a local group of high school counselors. Slowly but surely I started to gain my footing in my new career.
I quickly realized that I would get nowhere if I didn’t start advocating for my position. I sought the help of other school counselors; I spoke with the Department of Education and the Area Education Agency. I met with the administrators in my district to discuss the appropriate and inappropriate uses of my time as school counselor. We discussed the current state of the school counseling program at Colo-NESCO and what could and should be done to improve this program. This meeting resulted in some tasks being taken off my plate as school counselor but little else changed. I caught some flack from another local school counselor after this meeting when she said, “I hope you didn’t just destroy all your relationships.” This caused me to doubt myself; I questioned whether advocating for my role was really worth the risk and trouble.
I often felt overwhelmed and inadequate—I had so many students to attend to with so many different needs K-12. I tried my hardest but I always felt like I was coming up short. I often focused on what could and should be done rather than taking pride in what I had achieved. I constantly compared the program I was just beginning to work on to the ideal program described in the ASCA National Model that I had spent two and a half years learning about. I mistakenly thought that every other district was much farther along in this process than I was and that I was failing as a school counselor. I spent far too much time at work and far too much time stressing over what I thought needed to be done immediately. I was constantly seeking out professional development opportunities and becoming more stressed when I learned about even more things that I should be doing as a school counselor.
Sometime shortly before Christmas break I began to realize that I can’t do everything and that I needed to focus on just doing the best that I could with the time and resources that I was allotted. I made the conscious decision to spend less time at work and less time worrying about my perceived inadequacies—easier said than done. I tried to spend less time thinking and talking about school counseling; it was becoming painfully obvious that others around me were beyond tired of hearing about this. The fact that I was working full time and completing two practicum experiences simultaneously did not make this goal easy to achieve. I still often find myself consumed with my job and struggling to balance work and my personal life. I hope that with my impending graduation and summer vacation, I am able to really take a break and enjoy other parts of my life.
Looking back on my nearly completed first year of school counseling, I cannot believe how much I have learned. Some of which I believe my studies at BV prepared me for and others that I’m not sure any amount of schooling could have prepared me for. I often felt that I hadn’t really learned much about the education system in general. How would I incorporate the Iowa Common Core into a school counseling program? How do PSEO classes work? How do I operate JMC or Infinite Campus or PowerSchool? What is my role as school counselor when it comes to Iowa Assessments? Sure, I knew how to effectively counsel students and I appreciated their cultural differences and diverse backgrounds but I quickly found out that, for better or worse, that was only a small part of my job. I spent so much time teaching myself so many things; it was exhausting to say the least.
I have heard more times than I care to count, “It will never be your first year again,” as if that were some sort of reassurance as I was neck-deep in that first year. I have almost completed my first year as a school counselor and I can honestly say that things are easier for me now and that I am less stressed. However, there are still those days when I forget to eat lunch and it seems like the paperwork will never end and that I am coming up short at every turn. It is a constant struggle to refocus myself on the positives so that I don’t completely burn myself out.
Looking back through my work and reflecting on my strengths and weaknesses when compiling my portfolio has helped me to see where I have really excelled and what areas I still need to work on. It was reassuring for me to look at my strengths and take time to appreciate what I have done well. It was also helpful for me to look at my weaknesses and come up with a plan to work on these areas. If I could simplify my plan for improvement into a couple words it would be: continued education. I am well aware that I will never know everything there is to know about school counseling. I cannot and should not ever stop learning if I want to be a successful school counselor.
I will continue to seek out professional development opportunities as well as experiences to make myself a more well-rounded individual. I need to learn to take care of myself first before I am able to do my best in my career. This, I believe, is the most profound, and hardest to digest, lesson I’ve learned over the past three years. Putting yourself first is not always the easiest concept for people in the helping profession to grasp, but it’s one that is essential for our success and our sanity.
I have felt extremely well cared for and supported by my BV professors and I have learned so much in the past three years through this program. One suggestion for future improvements would be to focus more on how to successfully advocate for your role as school counselor and for a comprehensive school counseling program. The definition of school counselor has changed drastically in recent years and it is hard to come into a system and change your colleagues’ preconceived notions of what a “guidance counselor” should be. More emphasis on self-care might also be beneficial for individuals like myself who want to do everything and be everything, when in reality that is impossible.
As an individual without a teaching license, I was required to take a classroom management class as well as an exceptional learner class. I believe these classes helped me to learn more about education but there are still major gaps in my knowledge when it comes to how the whole education system works. I believe more emphasis on how things actually work in a real world setting and how to get this to the ideal model that ASCA describes, instead of focusing on what should be done would be helpful for students as we begin our careers as school counselors. Anything to ease that shock of going from graduate student with all the best intentions to actual, working school counselor with all the real world limitations and setbacks, would be beneficial.
I’m not sure if any college program really fully prepares its graduates for the “real world” and I know first hand that all the reassurance in the world does not change peoples’ tendency to equate struggling and failure with defeat. I, along with my cohort and all future Professional School Counseling graduates at Buena Vista University, need to learn to embrace our shortcomings and failures and grow from our mistakes in order to learn and become better school counselors and better human beings. I am beginning to accept that I am, and always will be, a work in progress.
“The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing.”—Socrates
“A failure is not always a mistake, it may simply be the best one can do under the circumstances. The real mistake is to stop trying.”—B.F. Skinner
“Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.”—Thomas Edison
“Far better is to dare things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure…than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much, because they live in a gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat.”—Theodore Roosevelt
It took several attempts to even begin writing this final reflection. How do I wrap up something that is only just beginning? It is extremely difficult to articulate the journey I’ve taken in the last three years and impossible for me to imagine what my future holds. It’s hard to pinpoint which classes or experiences in the Buena Vista University Professional School Counseling program had the biggest impact on me as a school counselor. The program as a whole—my professors, my cohort, my classes, my projects and papers, my practicum experience—have all had a profound impact on both me as a school counselor and me as a human being.
When I first began this program I didn’t have a clear picture of what I wanted to do with my life; I just knew that I wanted to do more—help people, make some sort of difference. I was timid and unsure of myself; I quietly doubted my ability and potential. I read the assigned textbooks and articles, I did the required projects and interviews, I thought of what it might be like to be a school counselor, but I didn’t quite believe that I would actually be successful in this career. I was surprised when I was offered the job as K-12 school counselor at Colo-NESCO CSD. I knew I had done the work to be prepared for this job but I wasn’t sure if I could really succeed.
In retrospect, maybe going into a double practicum experience alone with no real experience in a public school setting (besides my limited experience as a para professional) wasn’t the best idea. I remember my first day at Colo-NESCO, sitting in my new desk in my new office thinking to myself, “I have no idea where to even start. What did I get myself into?” I had virtually no one at my immediate disposal that understood school counseling or, more specifically, what I was supposed to be doing as K-12 school counselor at Colo-NESCO. The administrators I worked with didn’t have a completely accurate view of what a school counselor should be doing and offered me little to no direction as how to go about doing my job. I found myself spending a lot of time going through the files of the previous counselor figuring out just what exactly I was supposed to be doing. I called my professors at BV, I chatted with my cohort on Facebook, and I joined a local group of high school counselors. Slowly but surely I started to gain my footing in my new career.
I quickly realized that I would get nowhere if I didn’t start advocating for my position. I sought the help of other school counselors; I spoke with the Department of Education and the Area Education Agency. I met with the administrators in my district to discuss the appropriate and inappropriate uses of my time as school counselor. We discussed the current state of the school counseling program at Colo-NESCO and what could and should be done to improve this program. This meeting resulted in some tasks being taken off my plate as school counselor but little else changed. I caught some flack from another local school counselor after this meeting when she said, “I hope you didn’t just destroy all your relationships.” This caused me to doubt myself; I questioned whether advocating for my role was really worth the risk and trouble.
I often felt overwhelmed and inadequate—I had so many students to attend to with so many different needs K-12. I tried my hardest but I always felt like I was coming up short. I often focused on what could and should be done rather than taking pride in what I had achieved. I constantly compared the program I was just beginning to work on to the ideal program described in the ASCA National Model that I had spent two and a half years learning about. I mistakenly thought that every other district was much farther along in this process than I was and that I was failing as a school counselor. I spent far too much time at work and far too much time stressing over what I thought needed to be done immediately. I was constantly seeking out professional development opportunities and becoming more stressed when I learned about even more things that I should be doing as a school counselor.
Sometime shortly before Christmas break I began to realize that I can’t do everything and that I needed to focus on just doing the best that I could with the time and resources that I was allotted. I made the conscious decision to spend less time at work and less time worrying about my perceived inadequacies—easier said than done. I tried to spend less time thinking and talking about school counseling; it was becoming painfully obvious that others around me were beyond tired of hearing about this. The fact that I was working full time and completing two practicum experiences simultaneously did not make this goal easy to achieve. I still often find myself consumed with my job and struggling to balance work and my personal life. I hope that with my impending graduation and summer vacation, I am able to really take a break and enjoy other parts of my life.
Looking back on my nearly completed first year of school counseling, I cannot believe how much I have learned. Some of which I believe my studies at BV prepared me for and others that I’m not sure any amount of schooling could have prepared me for. I often felt that I hadn’t really learned much about the education system in general. How would I incorporate the Iowa Common Core into a school counseling program? How do PSEO classes work? How do I operate JMC or Infinite Campus or PowerSchool? What is my role as school counselor when it comes to Iowa Assessments? Sure, I knew how to effectively counsel students and I appreciated their cultural differences and diverse backgrounds but I quickly found out that, for better or worse, that was only a small part of my job. I spent so much time teaching myself so many things; it was exhausting to say the least.
I have heard more times than I care to count, “It will never be your first year again,” as if that were some sort of reassurance as I was neck-deep in that first year. I have almost completed my first year as a school counselor and I can honestly say that things are easier for me now and that I am less stressed. However, there are still those days when I forget to eat lunch and it seems like the paperwork will never end and that I am coming up short at every turn. It is a constant struggle to refocus myself on the positives so that I don’t completely burn myself out.
Looking back through my work and reflecting on my strengths and weaknesses when compiling my portfolio has helped me to see where I have really excelled and what areas I still need to work on. It was reassuring for me to look at my strengths and take time to appreciate what I have done well. It was also helpful for me to look at my weaknesses and come up with a plan to work on these areas. If I could simplify my plan for improvement into a couple words it would be: continued education. I am well aware that I will never know everything there is to know about school counseling. I cannot and should not ever stop learning if I want to be a successful school counselor.
I will continue to seek out professional development opportunities as well as experiences to make myself a more well-rounded individual. I need to learn to take care of myself first before I am able to do my best in my career. This, I believe, is the most profound, and hardest to digest, lesson I’ve learned over the past three years. Putting yourself first is not always the easiest concept for people in the helping profession to grasp, but it’s one that is essential for our success and our sanity.
I have felt extremely well cared for and supported by my BV professors and I have learned so much in the past three years through this program. One suggestion for future improvements would be to focus more on how to successfully advocate for your role as school counselor and for a comprehensive school counseling program. The definition of school counselor has changed drastically in recent years and it is hard to come into a system and change your colleagues’ preconceived notions of what a “guidance counselor” should be. More emphasis on self-care might also be beneficial for individuals like myself who want to do everything and be everything, when in reality that is impossible.
As an individual without a teaching license, I was required to take a classroom management class as well as an exceptional learner class. I believe these classes helped me to learn more about education but there are still major gaps in my knowledge when it comes to how the whole education system works. I believe more emphasis on how things actually work in a real world setting and how to get this to the ideal model that ASCA describes, instead of focusing on what should be done would be helpful for students as we begin our careers as school counselors. Anything to ease that shock of going from graduate student with all the best intentions to actual, working school counselor with all the real world limitations and setbacks, would be beneficial.
I’m not sure if any college program really fully prepares its graduates for the “real world” and I know first hand that all the reassurance in the world does not change peoples’ tendency to equate struggling and failure with defeat. I, along with my cohort and all future Professional School Counseling graduates at Buena Vista University, need to learn to embrace our shortcomings and failures and grow from our mistakes in order to learn and become better school counselors and better human beings. I am beginning to accept that I am, and always will be, a work in progress.
“The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing.”—Socrates
“A failure is not always a mistake, it may simply be the best one can do under the circumstances. The real mistake is to stop trying.”—B.F. Skinner
“Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.”—Thomas Edison
“Far better is to dare things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure…than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much, because they live in a gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat.”—Theodore Roosevelt